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#76
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<Keir> I have enough terrorists and their families on my cellphone that I'm sure I'm on a watchlist myself somewhere.
<Dante> Impressive, though I'm not sure why you would want to have terrorists in your contacts.
<Daktal> I bet it impresses girls.
<Lisa_Dent> "Hey baby what's your number, I'll put it right beneath Muqtada al-Sadr. Yeah, we club, s'cool."
#86
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<Darwyn_family_bonding> "2nd place is a shiny new and highly sought after viper, this baby is in preteen condition and ready to go"
<Lex_von_Ismay> :o
<Lex_von_Ismay> lol
<Darwyn_family_bonding> preteen condition?
<Darwyn_family_bonding> wow
<Rehon_Mosspim> well, that's a typo lol
<Rehon_Mosspim> pristine, preteen, what's the diffrence
<Rehon_Mosspim> well, that's our faction, we love the miners
#96
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[13:17:21] <DA> hmm, sure, ill call a doctor if i have an erection lasting longer than four hours... to brag
#99
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[01:55:59] <Squall_Chitose> I'd be like "Hey 16 year old slut, you want an A? You gotta earn it"
[01:56:08] <Squall_Chitose> thats why they won't let me be a teacher.
[01:56:12] <Selatos> "... by getting all of the answers correct on this test."
#375
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[22:40:03] <blackhole> when i was a child, i had a lazy eye but then it spreaded to my whole person. that's why i'm so lazy now
#2
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[22:16:05] <Keir> Honestly, if I send Dreighton an eMail with a bug, you know something like "Faction Creation seems to be down", I don't expect it fixed for a good 3 months in the fucking first place, I hardly need a "I'm going grocery shopping, I'll check my eMails when I get back" announcement
[22:16:08] * Phryss is afk: Peeing. Logging: [on] Pager: [on]
#24
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[13:29:59] <Kast_Derrnon> Like they say in the hood... you best protect ya turf, smurf.
[13:30:43] <Chin> somehow that doesn't sound really like a tough guy line
[13:31:06] <Kast_Derrnon> Well then, obviously you nothing of urban culture.
#374
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[23:17:22] <Ten> voldemort would've had a lot fewer problems if he wasn't such an asshole #SoRelatable
#120
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[11:01:07] <Paparrin> i turn ac on and it makes like eeeeeeeeeek for 2 blocks, then quiet down and oh boy. is heaven
#153
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[16:38:42] <Mikel> People seem to get pissed when you blow up a planet with a death star, for some reason.
[16:40:24] <Tarrok> Not the people on the planet you've blown up.
[16:40:33] <Tarrok> I think the solution is evident.
#211
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[12:59:02] <@Minty_Cream> oh hey, my godswood is bleeding
[13:00:15] <Azarin> You might want to get a doctor to look at that
#34
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[00:48:05] <Hunter> now mass effect, that's a game
[00:48:09] <ArchonZei> ^
[00:48:10] <Light> It sure is. A game.
[00:48:42] <Kevin> Now SWC, that's an online community
[00:48:49] <Light> I.. suppose you're right
[00:48:52] <T`losk|Away> There's a community?
[00:49:11] <ArchonZei> We aren't a community!
[00:49:15] <ArchonZei> We're a mob.
[00:49:17] <Hunter> we're a mob
#57
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[19:13:03] <blackhole> alright, crtl+q quits
[19:13:54] <blackhole> i better won't keep trying to find text styles like crtl+b by trial and error just so i don't find some crtl combo to dcc all my goat porn to all server users
#245
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[19:15:16] <Deric_Adams> im going to bed, good night you beautifully ugly people
[19:15:25] <Mikel> DA don't leave me
[19:15:39] <Mikel> If I come to richmond can we fuck or no
[19:16:04] <Mikel> I'm being serious because I think I have to come there like in a month
[19:16:10] <Mikel> And I'd like to come there when I come there
[19:16:13] <Mikel> if you know what I mean
#25
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[17:10:01] <Ezekiel> Ha, just found the book everyone signed when we finished high school
[17:10:17] <Ezekiel> Ahh... the memories
[17:11:57] <Saint_Tidus> The Sex Offender's Watch List?
#42
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[17:14:57] <blackhole> so i'm sort of a wifi hooker now
[17:15:04] * Cherokee shakes his head
[17:15:44] <blackhole> yeah cher, i have a hairy man sat on my lap now
[17:15:49] <blackhole> it's the price so i can use his wifi
[17:16:05] <blackhole> both my arms are surounding his torso in order to type
[17:16:15] * Cherokee wishes it was him
#48
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[21:20:51] <LT_Kylani> Major Black, Mind a pm
[21:21:25] <Greg_Black> Go ahead.
[21:22:31] <LT_Kylani> I officially regret asking Sir :p
[21:23:41] <Greg_Black> You asked, thus you recieved an answer. Not my fault you didn't expand upon what you meant by 'how I'm hanging'.
#116
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[21:45:59] * Castur (elm@swc-irc.6jd.9ga.crg6t2.IP) has joined #swc-members
[21:46:09] <Castur> Hey cuties
[21:46:18] * Torryn makes out with Casturs leg
[21:46:27] * Var makes out with Castur
[21:46:43] <Koras> Get a room
[21:46:46] * Torryn bets Castur feels lucky
[21:47:03] <Castur> Yeah I wasn't really expecting that kind of response to be completely honest.
#118
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[22:42:21] <Cherokee> pink cotton candy
[22:42:27] <Cherokee> yes , i ate you all first
[22:42:30] <Cherokee> you disappoint me
[22:42:33] <Cherokee> blue is way better
[22:42:36] <Cherokee> blue cotton candy
[22:42:40] <Cherokee> i saved you for last
[22:42:57] <Cherokee> lets take our time , and go slow... i know you'll make the enjoyment so much sweeter for me
[22:45:44] * Cherokee turns down the lights
[22:45:56] * Cherokee snuggles bag close
[22:46:39] * Cherokee reaches hand into the opening and teases a soft fluffy piece of cloudy heaven free and puts it in his mouth to let it dissolve into blissful sweetness
#415
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[22:19:24] <Thresk> Guys
[22:19:26] <Thresk> Save ne
[22:19:27] <Thresk> Me
[22:20:07] <Thresk> Save me
[22:21:19] <Thresk> Guys make me feel better
[22:21:42] <Twelve> if guys make you feel better then you should just go find some guys..
#77
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[13:51] * Veynom is Sim Master.
[13:51] * ChanServ sets mode: +o Veynom
[13:52] <Veynom> Holy shit, 1616 emails, what did you do guys !!!
[13:53] <Kyle> um there is an email from orion you should look at Vey
[13:53] <Togan> it's hidden within those 1616 mails
#79
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<Jacob_Jansen> Anyone up to the task of writing up some IU history for me?
<King_Tylger> One day Vodo was like "Ohai, Hapes. SSD for your loyalty." Hapes goes "Lolz, k." Then other people thought were like "Free shit!" and joined. The End.
#113
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[01:35:25] <G`no> If the days comes when we all go to prison for downloading music 'illegally', I hope they seperate us by genre.
[02:22:59] <G`no> The first two guys thought SUperman was a bird or a plane... why the heck were they excited?
[02:48:48] <G`no> I;m going to district 9 and 3 quarters.
[16:49:25] <G`no> If you took all the Twilight fans and laid them end to end around the equator, a lot of them would drown, get run over, or eaten by lions, so it's a really good idea.
[17:45:39] <G`no> Whenever a bird craps on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch to let them know what I'm capable of.
[21:59:04] <G`no> I hate it when I'm singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong
[00:06:37] <G`no> If you take a pin out of a grenade, is it possible to put it back?
[00:06:43] <G`no> I NEED AN ANSWER MUCH FASTER!!!
[20:01:13] <G`no> i can't wait to go back to england and open a time capsule i buried when i was 10
[20:01:25] <G`no> i wanna see how big my puppy got
[20:13:30] <G`no> Ugh, I hate bragging about my financial status, but I have to say, my credit card company keeps calling me to tell me my balance is outstanding!
#160
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[12:00:11] <Var> I see you're still pretending that your phone adds a period after words, Primun.
[12:01:09] <Primun> I turned off all autocorrect shit
[12:01:23] <Var> Then how is that period getting in there?!
[12:01:46] <Primun> Because the period is right beside the fucjing period button for fucks sake.
[12:01:52] <Primun> Wait
[12:01:53] <Primun> What
[12:01:56] <Primun> Hold on
#426
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[01:20:24] <.selatos> so weird
[01:20:26] <.selatos> all of you
[01:20:45] <@Loki> NAME ONE TIME
[01:21:03] <@Loki> my arms feel like someone is blowing on them with their mouth open
#179
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[09:12:26] <Loki|starkphone> Penis you die of exhaustion or something
[09:12:27] <Loki|starkphone> ..
[09:12:31] <Loki|starkphone> Or if*
[09:13:01] <Loki|starkphone> I don't have toilette syndrome
[09:13:07] <Loki|starkphone> Yeah my phone don't know that word
#186
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<DA> haha pornhub tweeted "Don't try and upload the superbowl game, we don't allow rape"
<Azarin> Ahahahaha
<@Superman> haha
<Squall_Chitose> I'm disturbed that you follow pornhub on twitter, Deric.
<Squall_Chitose> Disturbed, but not surprised.
#229
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[13:46:14] <.Loki-> Don't be jealous of the golden nightmare
[13:46:19] <.Loki-> And my nocturnal assassin
[13:46:26] * .Loki- urinates aggressively
[13:46:28] <.Loki-> ..
[13:46:43] <.Loki-> My phone is automatically filling in "aggressively" after I urinate
[13:46:45] <.Loki-> Sweet
#58
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[00:02:33] * Kay_Bon poof
[00:02:41] <Kay_Bon> hello all
[00:03:21] * Kay_Bon poof
[00:03:46] <Kay_Bon> i am too fast to be attacked now
[00:03:57] <Saitam> the poof indicates speed.
[00:04:26] * Kay_Bon poof dis apears
[00:05:06] * Squall_Chitose poops
[00:05:12] <Saitam> the poop indicates feces.
#64
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[16:33:31] <Talor> Awesome, I still has 20x8,8%x0,33cl beer left
[16:34:13] <Cherokee[w]> Why does your beer have coordinates?
#106
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[16:09] <Pozz_Umgee> if I had a nickel for everytime Ten tried to get me to talk about my penis, I'd have like a buck twenty
[16:09] <.Syn> That's oddly specific
[16:09] <Pozz_Umgee> you don't keep track?
[16:09] <Pozz_Umgee> I'm keeping it in my online rape journal
#128
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[21:44:09] <Cherokee> james bond beat abraham lincoln at the box office
[21:44:22] <Cherokee> boy it was a bad week for republicans all around
--
[22:39:59] <Cherokee> steven speilberg's Lincoln is in theaters now
[22:40:06] <Cherokee> traditionally, not a good place for him
#433
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[16:54:29] <Cherokee> the trick to not cry when chopping onions is to not form an emotional bond
#9
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[16:16:08] <Keir> Post-vasectomy pain syndrome. This is a very rare condition (approximately 1 in 10,000) where you get some dropping of the testicles after surgery (a few millimeters not meters) and an associated chronic pain, like someone continually pulling on your testicles. If this happens your days of boxers shorts are over and you will need good, supportive underwear.
[16:16:09] <Keir> hot
[16:16:50] <Phryss> I like the second parenthetical.
[16:17:05] <Phryss> As though someone would expect his testicles to drop a number of meters.
[16:17:49] <Phryss> "Oh, don't mind that. My scrotum just drags along the floor behind me since my vasectomy. Sometimes I trip over it. >: /"
#18
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[15:56:42] <Cherokee> I think the reason I was so unpopular at school is I'd not only occasionally crap in my pants, but I'd occasionally crap in other kids' pants too.
#43
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[00:03:00] <Maw|BUSY-BRB> The other day even in southern Alberta there are hardly any I think I saw 5 two days ago... and -40 for 2 weeks is not "cool" -20 is cool :P
[00:04:02] <Cherokee> Your choice in structuring that sentence leads me to make the preliminary diagnosis that you've recently suffered a stroke.
#44
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[03:17:23] <Light> That's pretty much my favorite part of SWC. Something completely insignificant and random occurs and e-people start psychologically profiling you.
[03:17:46] <Pozz> it's phrases like that that get you branded a corpse-banger
[03:17:48] <Sleek> yeah, i agree with the rapist
#55
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[11:43:21] * Riad_Sertage (~chatzilla@SWC-IRC.113BB7FF48F335.SWC) has joined #Help
[11:45:35] <Riad_Sertage> I never see any chatting is this a coinsidence or do you have to do something special to view the chat?
[11:47:19] <Riad_Sertage> Wait, If I can't see the chat Ican't see your answers... crap
[11:48:57] * Riad_Sertage (~chatzilla@SWC-IRC.113BB7FF48F335.SWC) Quit (Quit: ChatZilla 0.9.85 [Firefox 3.5.2/20090729225027])
#432
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[23:07:59] <Loki> Alternate between swiveling both wrists in opposite directions and stroking your hands upward, twisting your wrists when you reach his head as though you are turning a doorknob. Rub your thumb in a tiny figure-eight pattern over his frenelum... Or try the windshield-wiper move; glide your thumb from side to side along the rim where his head begins, then move your thumb up and over the top of the head several times.
[23:08:14] <Loki> yeah im gonna need a diagram here
[23:08:19] <Russ> That is a lot of detail
[23:08:20] <Twelve> yes, turn that doorknob
[23:08:29] <Russ> Either you are copying this straight or you have attempted this
[23:08:57] <Loki> I'm sitting here with my hands making motions that are disappointingly not obscene but look like I'm trying to summon a demon
[23:09:41] <Russ> And you're not getting anything out of this?
[23:09:55] <Loki> Not even a lesser demon
#189
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[11:22:15] <Loki> hello how can we help you
[11:22:46] <Luke_Whitelock> did you send me mail I get maill with no name ?
[11:24:13] <Luke_Whitelock> I can't find out who it is
[11:24:19] <Jevon> screenshot it
[11:24:52] <Loki> are you talking about a darkness message
[11:25:39] <Luke_Whitelock> yes
[11:25:54] <Jevon> THere has to be a name, as there are no anonymous messages
[11:25:56] <Luke_Whitelock> I can't do screenshot
[11:26:03] <Jevon> Why not
[11:26:17] <Luke_Whitelock> its off
[11:26:25] <Jevon> WHats off
[11:26:45] <Luke_Whitelock> screenshot you can have it off
#8
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[17:27:06] <Phryss> Oh!
[17:27:07] <Phryss> Keir!
[17:27:15] <Phryss> I saw a girl today that reminded me of you.
[17:27:20] <Keir|NEW-GNS|Crap> !
[17:27:26] <Phryss> She had these ice packs on her shoulders
[17:27:32] <Keir|NEW-GNS|Crap> ^.-
[17:27:42] <Phryss> And they were being held in place by, like, saran wrap.
[17:27:49] <Keir|NEW-GNS|Crap> ...
[17:28:08] <Phryss> And the saran wrap wrapped tightly around her chest so her boobs were all squashed and invisible.
[17:28:15] <Phryss> The end.
#12
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[19:34:58] <Mr_Tel> I'll even dip my balls in marinara sauce just so those bastards can have a taste of home while they're at it!
[19:35:19] <Asa> ...
[19:36:03] <Mr_Tel> c'mon guess what movie that's from!
[19:37:51] <Shado> The Papa John's training video?
#29
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[19:03:30] <blackhole> i heard so many wonderful stories about everywhere-butspain conn
[19:03:46] <blackhole> buttspain
[19:03:52] <blackhole> ah nm hehe
#40
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[13:45:43] <Kevin> How cold does it generally get there in the winter?
[13:45:54] <Skye_Varn> -20 to -30 up here
[13:46:12] <Skye_Varn> -35 if you're really lucky
[13:46:39] <Kevin> I used to live in New York, and it would easily get to single digits F with no wind chill during the winter
[13:46:50] <Ten> we're not talking F!
[13:46:53] <Kevin> So?
[13:46:55] <Skye_Varn> We're talking C
[13:47:01] <Ten> so you can F off
#68
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[03:15:03] <Ten> I just realized something strange
[03:15:19] <DvD> You DONT have a vachina?
[03:15:30] <Ten> I don't know what a vachina is
[03:15:37] <Ten> so, probably not that
[03:16:00] <Ten> no, I just woke up to the realization that I've been talking out loud to my computer in a transformers voice
[03:17:59] <Ten> where did everyone go?!
[03:18:38] <Light> I went to poop
[03:19:20] <dorothy> I was smoking
[03:19:35] <Ten> phew
[03:19:44] <Ten> for a moment it was like my fourth birthday all over again
[03:19:52] <dorothy> lol
[03:20:08] <DvD> lol
[03:20:42] <Ten> we were playing hide and seek, my family, class mates, house staff
[03:20:44] <Ten> I was it
[03:20:54] <Ten> when I finished counting to ten, everyone was gone
#88
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[00:11] <Asa> pretty sure my in character daddy is dead
[00:11] <@JohnnyFox> Luke thought the same thing.
#184
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[20:14] <Squall_Chitose> I only let people in my clan that I like.
[20:14] <Squall_Chitose> :D
[20:15] <Squall_Chitose> except deric, he got in on sexual talent.
[20:15] <DA> I give good head
[20:15] <Varlathotep> It's true, he does.
[20:15] <Varlathotep> Squall doesn't know this but I was in the closet as Deric gave him head.
[20:16] <DA> oh yeah
[20:16] <Varlathotep> I will say it was quite glorious.
[20:16] <DA> I can suck a garden hose through golfball
[20:16] <DA> wait
[20:16] <DA> i said that wrong
[20:16] <Varlathotep> ...
[20:16] <Uli> LOL
[20:16] <Varlathotep> That is some sucking talent
[20:16] <DA> or did I?
[20:16] <Uli> I...
[20:16] <Samantha_Umbra> :o
[20:17] <Varlathotep> If you managed to such a hose through a solid object that is fucking impressive.
[20:17] <DA> I can't breath right now im laughing so hard
[20:17] <Varlathotep> Someone has to quote that >.>
[20:17] <.Loki|starkphone> That's not all that's hard
#63
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[02:25:42] <Ten> The noise which my neighbours possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I have of dogs barking which I play at high volume while I am at work to deter potential burglars from breaking in and stealing my tupperware.
#338
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[22:23:12] <Carlisle> Hmm. My best man speech is clocking in at 5 minutes 10 seconds. I think I need to trim some of it.
[22:23:17] <Carlisle> Or speed up the delivery.
[22:31:58] <Twelve> just remove every single pause
[22:32:44] <Carlisle> But those are the spots I breathe.
[22:33:18] <Twelve> ugh
[22:33:27] <Twelve> just do it like they do in those high school debate teams
[22:33:34] <Twelve> just one hickup and done
[22:33:49] <Carlisle> What, be socially awkward and a minority?
[22:33:53] <Carlisle> oh
#382
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[23:49:21] <Kivan_Hamner> Twas the night before Christmas and all throughout the house
[23:49:29] <Kivan_Hamner> the AC was blowing, cause I live in the South

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