Random

#338
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[22:23:12] <Carlisle> Hmm. My best man speech is clocking in at 5 minutes 10 seconds. I think I need to trim some of it.
[22:23:17] <Carlisle> Or speed up the delivery.
[22:31:58] <Twelve> just remove every single pause
[22:32:44] <Carlisle> But those are the spots I breathe.
[22:33:18] <Twelve> ugh
[22:33:27] <Twelve> just do it like they do in those high school debate teams
[22:33:34] <Twelve> just one hickup and done
[22:33:49] <Carlisle> What, be socially awkward and a minority?
[22:33:53] <Carlisle> oh
#113
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[01:35:25] <G`no> If the days comes when we all go to prison for downloading music 'illegally', I hope they seperate us by genre.
[02:22:59] <G`no> The first two guys thought SUperman was a bird or a plane... why the heck were they excited?
[02:48:48] <G`no> I;m going to district 9 and 3 quarters.
[16:49:25] <G`no> If you took all the Twilight fans and laid them end to end around the equator, a lot of them would drown, get run over, or eaten by lions, so it's a really good idea.
[17:45:39] <G`no> Whenever a bird craps on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch to let them know what I'm capable of.
[21:59:04] <G`no> I hate it when I'm singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong
[00:06:37] <G`no> If you take a pin out of a grenade, is it possible to put it back?
[00:06:43] <G`no> I NEED AN ANSWER MUCH FASTER!!!
[20:01:13] <G`no> i can't wait to go back to england and open a time capsule i buried when i was 10
[20:01:25] <G`no> i wanna see how big my puppy got
[20:13:30] <G`no> Ugh, I hate bragging about my financial status, but I have to say, my credit card company keeps calling me to tell me my balance is outstanding!
#21
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[15:17:26] * Vlash_Kimer yawns
[15:19:51] * Sidakin][Vos throws a golf ball into Vlash's mouth
[15:20:11] * Vlash_Kimer cock
[15:20:22] <syn> cock?
[15:20:24] <Vlash_Kimer> *chocks
[15:20:42] <Sidakin][Vos> ...........
[15:20:47] * Vlash_Kimer (~dolittle2@SWC-IRC.C54E5EC8A37450.TR) Quit (Quit: )
[15:20:47] <Sidakin][Vos> its chokes*
[15:20:48] <syn> It's okay, that's my first thought when someone is getting something shoved in their mouth, too.
[15:20:49] <Sidakin][Vos> xD!!!!!!!!!
[15:20:56] <Sidakin][Vos> He got embrassed
#138
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[14:25:31] <CPL_Goerke> I'm in A-school for the Navy, I got out of boot camp about 2 days ago
[14:25:43] <Deric_Adams> sweet
[14:25:50] <Deric_Adams> what job?
[14:27:48] <CPL_Goerke> Cryptology
[14:28:14] <Mesh`la> that's so fun, I love studying Crypts
#9
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[16:16:08] <Keir> Post-vasectomy pain syndrome. This is a very rare condition (approximately 1 in 10,000) where you get some dropping of the testicles after surgery (a few millimeters not meters) and an associated chronic pain, like someone continually pulling on your testicles. If this happens your days of boxers shorts are over and you will need good, supportive underwear.
[16:16:09] <Keir> hot
[16:16:50] <Phryss> I like the second parenthetical.
[16:17:05] <Phryss> As though someone would expect his testicles to drop a number of meters.
[16:17:49] <Phryss> "Oh, don't mind that. My scrotum just drags along the floor behind me since my vasectomy. Sometimes I trip over it. >: /"
#111
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[22:54:21] * Wool (soan@swc-irc.7rf.nm9.rjksk9.IP) has joined #anime
[22:54:25] * Cherokee (tcherokee77@swc-irc.00v.p8l.ulteai.IP) has joined #anime
[22:54:26] <Cherokee> WOOL
[22:54:28] <Wool> CHEROKEE
[22:54:29] <Cherokee> WOOL
[22:54:31] <Wool> CHEROKEE
[22:54:33] <Cherokee> WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL
[22:54:35] <Wool> CHEROKEE CHEROKEE CHEROKEE CHEROKEE CHEROKEE
[22:54:37] <Cherokee> DO THE WOOLY BULLY
[22:54:38] <Cherokee> DO IT
[22:54:39] * Wool DOES IT
[22:54:40] <Cherokee> YATAA
[22:54:42] * Cherokee (tcherokee77@swc-irc.00v.p8l.ulteai.IP) has left #anime
[22:54:45] <Wool> big success
[22:54:54] <Wool> back to work
[22:54:59] * Wool (soan@swc-irc.7rf.nm9.rjksk9.IP) has left #anime
[22:55:54] <Kilian> o_o
#103
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[16:31] <Eldrwyn_D`Auvergne> big sadness face, engage
[16:31] <Eldrwyn_D`Auvergne> >: OOOOOO(
#171
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[11:14:48] <Zhao> Good, Vey has approved tha tax changes
[11:14:51] <Zhao> We're on track!
[11:26:21] <Zhao> Trying to figure out how I want to notify people
[11:50:55] <Loki> I assume "surprise motherfuckers" is off the table?
[11:51:14] <Zhao> lol
#98
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[05:02:41] <blackhole> why do i know how to spell cthulhu and not jirafee?
#8
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[17:27:06] <Phryss> Oh!
[17:27:07] <Phryss> Keir!
[17:27:15] <Phryss> I saw a girl today that reminded me of you.
[17:27:20] <Keir|NEW-GNS|Crap> !
[17:27:26] <Phryss> She had these ice packs on her shoulders
[17:27:32] <Keir|NEW-GNS|Crap> ^.-
[17:27:42] <Phryss> And they were being held in place by, like, saran wrap.
[17:27:49] <Keir|NEW-GNS|Crap> ...
[17:28:08] <Phryss> And the saran wrap wrapped tightly around her chest so her boobs were all squashed and invisible.
[17:28:15] <Phryss> The end.
#379
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[13:28] <Greyson> i've never lost my virginity because I never lose
#116
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[21:45:59] * Castur (elm@swc-irc.6jd.9ga.crg6t2.IP) has joined #swc-members
[21:46:09] <Castur> Hey cuties
[21:46:18] * Torryn makes out with Casturs leg
[21:46:27] * Var makes out with Castur
[21:46:43] <Koras> Get a room
[21:46:46] * Torryn bets Castur feels lucky
[21:47:03] <Castur> Yeah I wasn't really expecting that kind of response to be completely honest.
#92
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[13:18] <Light> oh, and don't handle jalapeno peppers then touch your asshole.
[13:19] <Crog> why
[13:19] <Light> it hurts
[13:19] <Crog> why
[13:19] <Squall_Chitose> BURNS SO BAD
[13:19] <Teyacapan> yes, don't handle peppers with your asshole
#448
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<Twelve> You have declined: Mad Manny
<Twelve> mad lad
<Manny> hi
<Anax> Hi
<Manny> not sure if I'min the rigth place but Im' having problems with my handle
#401
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[23:34:42] <Loki> Speaking of creepy animal behaviors, Cherokee
[23:34:57] <Loki> My dog sometimes stands right next to my chair (like right now) and stares at the same spot of blank white wall (like right now)
[23:35:08] <Loki> just stands there for several minutes staring, his ears pricked
[23:35:14] <Loki> sometimes he ventures slowly closer and sniffs a little
[23:35:17] <Ten> oh, I have that problem in morrowind
[23:35:19] <Loki> sometimes he just stares
[23:35:31] <Ten> it occurs when there isn't an AI path defined
[23:35:44] <Ten> just adjust your room's pathing and it'll be fine
#76
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<Keir> I have enough terrorists and their families on my cellphone that I'm sure I'm on a watchlist myself somewhere.
<Dante> Impressive, though I'm not sure why you would want to have terrorists in your contacts.
<Daktal> I bet it impresses girls.
<Lisa_Dent> "Hey baby what's your number, I'll put it right beneath Muqtada al-Sadr. Yeah, we club, s'cool."
#23
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[17:17:48] <Adam_Zad> "While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad."
#341
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[16:11:55] <Kilian> Lee Lee, Keth is our local night walker
[16:12:30] <Keth> bleh!
[16:12:34] * Keth avoids garlic
[16:12:49] <Kilian> no I meant male prostitue
[16:13:49] <Keth> bleh!
[16:13:54] * Keth avoids the popo
#41
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[22:44:51] <Away> We don't need Combat!
[22:45:00] <Away> SWCoders trading card game!
[22:45:37] <Sin> The Dreighton Card awards your side with an unfair advantage
[22:45:58] <Sin> The Syn card removes any card in play from the game >.>
[22:46:11] <Alex_Track> lol
[22:46:17] <Alex_Track> what about the Alex Card?
[22:46:27] <Sin> -5 Charisma
#20
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[22:23:21] <blackhole> i think i'm gonna stop drinking one way or another some time soon
[22:32:20] <blackhole> gonna give it a try this oct
[22:32:51] <blackhole> if i stay sober for more than 2 months you owe me a beer
#99
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[01:55:59] <Squall_Chitose> I'd be like "Hey 16 year old slut, you want an A? You gotta earn it"
[01:56:08] <Squall_Chitose> thats why they won't let me be a teacher.
[01:56:12] <Selatos> "... by getting all of the answers correct on this test."
#82
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[03:27] <Bryce> SWC is my facebook!
[03:28] <.Light> and just like on facebook, you have no friends
#61
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[01:35:22] * Squall_Chitose (~jedimaste@SWC-IRC.2930AC62555A87.SWC) has joined #swc-members
[01:35:45] <Cherokee> No.
[01:35:47] <Cherokee> Get out.
[01:38:17] * Rick_Unnis (Rick_Unnis@SWC-IRC.28D46D33E3A7E2.SWC) Quit (Quit: )
[01:38:46] * Squall_Chitose (~jedimaste@SWC-IRC.2930AC62555A87.SWC) Quit (Quit: * Goran_Skirata is now away - Reason : Squall has an unhealthy and disconcerting interest in me)
[01:40:28] * Vussek_Kaos (~vussek@SWC-IRC.E4B5D168BCDB9.SWC) Quit (Quit: <.Gavin> somewhere there is a 1 armed man who is beatin off with one hand, and using his nose to type and surf the sites)
[01:40:35] * Geno (~Geno@SWC-IRC.635C21F8A454C.SWC) Quit (Ping timeout)
[01:41:06] <Cherokee> I didn't mean all of them, just Squall.
#83
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[20:53] <Crog> feed me melon slices.
[20:53] <Alex_Truman> I am no longer your man slave.
[20:53] <Ten> not since his operation
#110
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[10:21:03] <blackhole> man my last clorophorm date was awful
[10:59:59] <Cherokee> colored prom?
[11:00:17] <Cherokee> you took a black girl to her prom? Aren't you a little old for that?
[11:01:41] <blackhole> geez man, you're making it sound like if i colored her myself
#243
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[10:02:03] <Loki> GUESS WHAT THIS DEAD RANCOR JUST DROPPED
[10:02:36] <Thirteen> is it nothing?
[10:03:11] <Loki> It is nothing. :/
[10:03:18] <Thirteen> what do I get for winning?
[10:03:29] <Loki> 100% of the loot this dead rancor just dropped
[10:03:35] <Thirteen> and I didn't even have to kill a rancor for it
#43
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[00:03:00] <Maw|BUSY-BRB> The other day even in southern Alberta there are hardly any I think I saw 5 two days ago... and -40 for 2 weeks is not "cool" -20 is cool :P
[00:04:02] <Cherokee> Your choice in structuring that sentence leads me to make the preliminary diagnosis that you've recently suffered a stroke.
#226
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[16:11:12] <Chermobyl> Don't spray like an anal.
[16:11:13] <Chermobyl> ...
[16:11:13] <Selatos> you're basically a nighttime prowler though
[16:11:15] <Chermobyl> Animal
[16:11:19] <blackhole> haha
[16:11:23] <Minty_Cream> don't spray like an anal either though
[16:11:33] <blackhole> please, spray like an anal
[16:12:09] <Loki-> Fuck you all for making me laugh in a dead silent room filled with people
[16:12:09] <Chermobyl> You can't handle the poop
[16:12:09] <blackhole> hahaha
[16:12:24] <Clark_Kent> Hahaha
[16:12:49] <Minty_Cream> keep us updated as the situation develops
#359
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[08:05:01] <selatos> new server, yo
[08:05:45] * Loki strokes it
[17:31:16] <selatos> i only stroke it in private
[17:31:28] <selatos> maybe you need to be more discreet
[17:53:18] <Loki> this is private! It's just me and two other dudes
[18:37:09] <Superman> Did you just assume my gender?
[18:53:45] <Loki> sorry what are your preferred pronouns
[18:54:04] <Loki> I just kinda went by the "man" part of your name but now I realize that was foolish of me and it could simply be a surname
[18:58:31] <Superman> I prefer the guttural sound of man, but my preferred pronouns include 'phi' and 'phur'
[18:58:43] <Superman> My preference of the sound of the word man does not denote my gender
#75
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[01:32] <.Keir|Away> Hint: Never let your planets go uncontrolled, even for ten hours, when Keir is in-sector with a hyper 14 ship
[01:32] * .Keir|Away eyes faction about to lose two planets to hidden cities :D
[01:38] <+T`losk|Away> zomgish. :O
[01:53] <+Orphaea_Imperium> not any of mine? >_>
[01:55] * .Keir|Away waves, smirking at Orph
[01:55] <+Orphaea_Imperium> you go hell
[01:55] <+Orphaea_Imperium> >:/
[01:55] <+Orphaea_Imperium> although I only have one planet...
[01:56] <.Keir|Away> Did it go uncontrolled recently?
[01:56] <+Orphaea_Imperium> recent-ish
[01:56] <+Orphaea_Imperium> for about ten hours
[01:56] <+Orphaea_Imperium> >_>
#15
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[17:44:06] * Cherokee[p] puts on his dress uniform and goes to the bingo hall
[17:44:36] <Cherokee[p]> I'm so lonely
[17:44:39] * Cherokee[p] sniffs
[17:44:46] * Cherokee[p] dabs as numbers are called
[17:44:58] <syn> You could hire Jackson for company
[17:45:11] <syn> He'd look a dashing trophy wife on your arm
[17:45:19] <Cherokee[p]> Tempting.
[17:45:37] <tgr316> I dont wear underwear. That way, you can tell when I poo
[17:45:43] <syn> I rescind my remark.
[17:45:55] <Cherokee[p]> Not as tempting any longer.
#86
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<Darwyn_family_bonding> "2nd place is a shiny new and highly sought after viper, this baby is in preteen condition and ready to go"
<Lex_von_Ismay> :o
<Lex_von_Ismay> lol
<Darwyn_family_bonding> preteen condition?
<Darwyn_family_bonding> wow
<Rehon_Mosspim> well, that's a typo lol
<Rehon_Mosspim> pristine, preteen, what's the diffrence
<Rehon_Mosspim> well, that's our faction, we love the miners
#347
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[11:03] <@Twelve> It's hard to parse incoming tactical information when someone is reading you literotica featuring your mother
#59
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[16:40:33] <Apoch_Rhine> I have a question as a new player.
[16:40:41] <Crog> shoot
[16:40:43] <Arthur> Ask and thou shalt recieve
[16:40:52] <Apoch_Rhine> I can not seem to select a starting location
[16:40:57] <Arthur> you need a gun
[16:40:59] <Arthur> to shoot
[16:41:03] <Crog> shoot
[16:41:06] <Arthur> pew pew
[16:41:15] <Crog> what was the question again?
[16:41:18] <Apoch_Rhine> screen comes up blank
[16:41:30] <Crog> you sure its combine
[16:42:10] <Apoch_Rhine> I have also selected possition and it does nothing as well
[16:42:11] <Crog> REFRESH REFRESH
[16:42:28] <Apoch_Rhine> yes I tired that
[16:42:35] <Crog> DO NOT hold a piece of paper before the screen and press print screen DO NOT
[16:42:53] <Crog> log off and login again
[16:43:04] <Arthur> close the window and open again
[16:43:05] <Crog> do not drink while doing that
[16:43:11] <Light> did you check to see that your computer is turned on
[16:43:12] <Arthur> and shut down and shut on again
[16:43:25] <Arthur> do not smoke when you do that either
[16:43:30] <Arthur> the computer does not like smoke
[16:43:30] <Crog> log of rom combine , shut it al off and then sart up again
[16:43:36] <Apoch_Rhine> great now I am talking to India
#286
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[11:08:58] <%Hudson> Starting build 5075 for job hoth (previous build: STILL FAILING -- last SUCCESS #4690 4 mo 3 days ago)
[11:09:52] <Brand> If you wanted something to tell you that you're a failure and that your last success was months ago, why not just get married?
#432
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[23:07:59] <Loki> Alternate between swiveling both wrists in opposite directions and stroking your hands upward, twisting your wrists when you reach his head as though you are turning a doorknob. Rub your thumb in a tiny figure-eight pattern over his frenelum... Or try the windshield-wiper move; glide your thumb from side to side along the rim where his head begins, then move your thumb up and over the top of the head several times.
[23:08:14] <Loki> yeah im gonna need a diagram here
[23:08:19] <Russ> That is a lot of detail
[23:08:20] <Twelve> yes, turn that doorknob
[23:08:29] <Russ> Either you are copying this straight or you have attempted this
[23:08:57] <Loki> I'm sitting here with my hands making motions that are disappointingly not obscene but look like I'm trying to summon a demon
[23:09:41] <Russ> And you're not getting anything out of this?
[23:09:55] <Loki> Not even a lesser demon
#28
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[18:10:15] <Keir> If it's "sick" to chain your eldest daughter in the basement, tell your wife she ran away, then use her as a brood mother for you to raise speechless mutants underground, then I guess we're all a little "sick"
#433
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[16:54:29] <Cherokee> the trick to not cry when chopping onions is to not form an emotional bond
#252
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[23:07:47] <Keth> beating the emu sounds like it would be australian slang for jacking off
#380
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[00:28:28] <Loki> whoa whoa dont go spreading around to everyone that I'd fuck literally anyone
[00:29:11] <Kez> If you didnt want ppl thinking that then you shouldnt be showing up at swap meets with yours hands full of booty
[00:29:28] <Loki> I showed up with my hands almost empty, but then people kept putting things in them, like drinks, and their asses
[00:29:52] <Kez> I saw plenty of grabbing Syn
[00:29:55] <Kez> you little cheater
[00:30:04] <Loki> It's not cheating if I lie about it and pretend like it didn't happen
[00:30:27] <Kez> Man, that just hits every form of corruption and rules breaking this game has seen
[00:30:32] <Loki> I like to be efficient
#123
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<Jevon> You kno\, uyjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj4444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWS
<Jevon> tHE CAT SAYS HI, APPARENTLY
<Cait> o.O
#179
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[09:12:26] <Loki|starkphone> Penis you die of exhaustion or something
[09:12:27] <Loki|starkphone> ..
[09:12:31] <Loki|starkphone> Or if*
[09:13:01] <Loki|starkphone> I don't have toilette syndrome
[09:13:07] <Loki|starkphone> Yeah my phone don't know that word
#145
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[17:22:20] <+Kevin||Sleep> I type with my penis
[17:22:33] <@Banquo> In other words, he can barely reach the keyboard.
#190
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[10:39:33] <Luke_Whitelock> you said park not me
[10:39:40] <Loki> If I can drive 2 hours you can walk 10 minutes.
[10:40:16] <Luke_Whitelock> I can't go into town that why I said here
[10:40:33] <Loki> ..Why not?
[10:40:39] <Squall_Chitose> Your mommy won't let you leave?
[10:40:40] <Varlathotep> Because his family that surprised him is there!
[10:40:44] <Varlathotep> Pay attention Loki!
[10:40:47] <Ten> gps anklet tracker
[10:40:48] <Luke_Whitelock> last time I did I was close to being hit by a truck
[10:40:53] <Ten> ...
[10:40:56] <Loki> hahah
[10:41:10] <Ten> and there was a black cat
[10:41:15] <Ten> and it rained
[10:41:32] <Luke_Whitelock> they were on the side walk
[10:41:40] <Loki> oh no now you can never go on the sidewalk again
[10:42:06] <Luke_Whitelock> yes so I can't go into town
[10:42:11] <Loki> not ever again
[10:42:14] <Loki> you're stuck inside forever
[10:42:23] <Luke_Whitelock> yes
[10:42:26] <Ten> he can go in the yard
[10:42:28] <Ten> no trucks there
[10:42:32] <Varlathotep> You never know.
[10:42:38] <Varlathotep> Those fire engines are wild man.
[10:42:52] <Loki> man its a good thing you live in the middle of nowhere so you can hide from all of the scary things in the world like people and cars and sunlight
[10:43:04] <Loki> and very small rocks
[10:47:11] <Luke_Whitelock> just because you like to be hit by cars don't mean I want to
[10:47:32] <Loki> I have eyes, so like, usually I look at the street to make sure I'm not stepping in front of one
[10:47:35] <Loki> maybe you should try that
[10:47:51] <Loki> life advice right here, cars are not ants, you can actually see them coming
[10:48:10] <Luke_Whitelock> I don't walk on the road loki
[10:48:16] <Loki> You dont walk at all from the sounds of it
[10:48:22] <Squall_Chitose> Dude, even chickens cross the road.
#40
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[13:45:43] <Kevin> How cold does it generally get there in the winter?
[13:45:54] <Skye_Varn> -20 to -30 up here
[13:46:12] <Skye_Varn> -35 if you're really lucky
[13:46:39] <Kevin> I used to live in New York, and it would easily get to single digits F with no wind chill during the winter
[13:46:50] <Ten> we're not talking F!
[13:46:53] <Kevin> So?
[13:46:55] <Skye_Varn> We're talking C
[13:47:01] <Ten> so you can F off
#126
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[18:12:50] <Gav> My cat smelt something
[18:14:02] <Cyan> your cat can't work a forge!
#301
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<Minty_Cream> dress shirts never go out of fashion
<Loki> http://puu.sh/gDg13/104f7d4f59.jpg THIS WAS A DRESS SHIRT ONCE
<Loki> IT WENT OUT OF FASHION
<Loki> QED.
<Chermobyl> It was never.
<Loki> well then what the fuck did i wear it to my uncle's funeral for
<Chermobyl> Never end a sentence with a preposition
<Loki> well then what the fuck did i wear it to my uncle's funeral for, bitch
#35
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[23:16:55] <Wool> just dropped my container with all the cashews in it
[23:17:06] <Wool> now I've got bits and pieces of cashews all over the floor :(
[23:17:09] <Keir> for the last fucking time, pick your nuts up off the ground
#339
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[09:20:02] <Dante_Erinith> Also, there usually so few people on IRC this time of the day? I remember there being a hell of a lot more a few years ago.
[09:20:29] <.selatos> Current Local Users: 182 Max: 312
[09:20:29] <.selatos> Current Global Users: 190 Max: 320
[09:20:40] <@Thirteen> irc was more active a few years ago
[09:20:44] <.selatos> i suppose it is a bit lower than max, but mostly people just don't like -members
[09:20:53] <.selatos> because of ten, mostly
[09:20:59] * .selatos stares
[09:21:01] <Dante_Erinith> Damn ten.
[09:21:02] <Dante_Erinith> Who's ten?
[09:21:15] <@Thirteen> he goes by Loki nowadays
[09:21:21] * @Thirteen stares
[09:21:22] <Dante_Erinith> Damn ten.
[09:21:25] * Dante_Erinith stares
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[18:15:32] <Phryss> I use HTML as a masturbatory aid.