Random

#48
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[21:20:51] <LT_Kylani> Major Black, Mind a pm
[21:21:25] <Greg_Black> Go ahead.
[21:22:31] <LT_Kylani> I officially regret asking Sir :p
[21:23:41] <Greg_Black> You asked, thus you recieved an answer. Not my fault you didn't expand upon what you meant by 'how I'm hanging'.
#374
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[23:17:22] <Ten> voldemort would've had a lot fewer problems if he wasn't such an asshole #SoRelatable
#172
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[11:04:09] <blackhole> .. this was like the longest fart ever
[11:04:20] <blackhole> i even stopped breathing to make sure no unnatural connection had opened anywhere
[11:04:51] <Squall_Chitose> haha
[11:06:03] <blackhole> but it continued so everything is fine and it all was a proper inner reserve
[11:06:33] <blackhole> now it is when petroleum comes, right?!
[11:07:11] <blackhole> something tells me i'm not gonna become rich :(
[11:23:54] <blackhole> ...definitely not petroleum and not rich
#7
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[21:19] <Mikel> Want a secure place to keep that monthly paycheck? Need a loan? Want a bank built in that new city of yours? Think Universal Network Bank for all your banking needs! Visit #cmg-unb .
[21:20] <Keir> I want a loan! :D
[21:20] <Keir> As much money as I can get on no collateral :D
[21:21] <Mikel> What is cullatoral?
[21:21] <Keir> that's my type of bank!
#400
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< blackhole> i don't even know what the avian flu feels like because the separatist catalonains are keeping it all for themselves
#145
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[17:22:20] <+Kevin||Sleep> I type with my penis
[17:22:33] <@Banquo> In other words, he can barely reach the keyboard.
#129
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[10:46:31] <Selatos> D: doctor's office was uncomfortable, but productive i suppose
[10:48:06] <Selatos> two words: prostate exam
[10:48:16] <Selatos> maybe three, surprise prostate exam
#99
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[01:55:59] <Squall_Chitose> I'd be like "Hey 16 year old slut, you want an A? You gotta earn it"
[01:56:08] <Squall_Chitose> thats why they won't let me be a teacher.
[01:56:12] <Selatos> "... by getting all of the answers correct on this test."
#68
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[03:15:03] <Ten> I just realized something strange
[03:15:19] <DvD> You DONT have a vachina?
[03:15:30] <Ten> I don't know what a vachina is
[03:15:37] <Ten> so, probably not that
[03:16:00] <Ten> no, I just woke up to the realization that I've been talking out loud to my computer in a transformers voice
[03:17:59] <Ten> where did everyone go?!
[03:18:38] <Light> I went to poop
[03:19:20] <dorothy> I was smoking
[03:19:35] <Ten> phew
[03:19:44] <Ten> for a moment it was like my fourth birthday all over again
[03:19:52] <dorothy> lol
[03:20:08] <DvD> lol
[03:20:42] <Ten> we were playing hide and seek, my family, class mates, house staff
[03:20:44] <Ten> I was it
[03:20:54] <Ten> when I finished counting to ten, everyone was gone
#415
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[22:19:24] <Thresk> Guys
[22:19:26] <Thresk> Save ne
[22:19:27] <Thresk> Me
[22:20:07] <Thresk> Save me
[22:21:19] <Thresk> Guys make me feel better
[22:21:42] <Twelve> if guys make you feel better then you should just go find some guys..
#178
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[10:23:59] <@Ten> go cry your white tears elsewhere
[10:24:35] <.Loki|starkphone> My tears aren't white, you are thinking of my semen
#98
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[05:02:41] <blackhole> why do i know how to spell cthulhu and not jirafee?
#20
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[22:23:21] <blackhole> i think i'm gonna stop drinking one way or another some time soon
[22:32:20] <blackhole> gonna give it a try this oct
[22:32:51] <blackhole> if i stay sober for more than 2 months you owe me a beer
#100
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[02:49:24] <Dan_Goulet> how does voice work?
[02:49:30] <Dan_Goulet> dont see a button or anything
[02:49:42] <Ten> http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_people_make_sound
#97
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[16:15:10] <Quetzalxochitl> 17. The idea of verbally dominating/humiliating (name calling, dictating orders, etc.) during sexual activity is exciting to me
[16:15:31] <Quetzalxochitl> sure, but I always hit a writer's block after the first "you like it, slut"
[16:16:10] <Quetzalxochitl> GIMME ALL YO YENS YIP YIP YAP
#138
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[14:25:31] <CPL_Goerke> I'm in A-school for the Navy, I got out of boot camp about 2 days ago
[14:25:43] <Deric_Adams> sweet
[14:25:50] <Deric_Adams> what job?
[14:27:48] <CPL_Goerke> Cryptology
[14:28:14] <Mesh`la> that's so fun, I love studying Crypts
#36
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[03:01:42] <Bresarr_The_Hutt> Your character is not in the physical condition to perform any actions.
[03:01:49] <Bresarr_The_Hutt> Son of a bitch...the combine just called me fat...
[03:02:04] <Orphaea_Imperium> you're not fat, you're big flubbed
[03:02:32] <Light> You're not fat, you're ugly.
[03:03:11] <Bresarr_The_Hutt> Well...next time I think about slitting my wrists, I'm coming here to get the extra morale boost
#305
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[14:07:31] <.selatos> good news mikel
[14:07:36] * Ming (Ming@swc-irc.g50.hj7.njvhe5.IP) has joined #swc-members
[14:07:42] <.selatos> taint checking is a standard part of software development; you're clearly in the wrong profession
[14:08:03] * Ming (Ming@swc-irc.g50.hj7.njvhe5.IP) has left #swc-members ("")
#131
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[23:12:12] <Selatos> var why are you being emo
[23:12:35] <Varfarius> I've got the heart break blues selatos. Sadly, it's not from my girlfriend.
[23:12:53] <Varfarius> Is it bad I feel more betrayed by a server than my own girlfriend when she won't put out?!
[23:13:24] <Selatos> if your server isn't putting out, i feel bad for you son, i got 99 problems, but a misconfig ain't one
#218
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[00:19:22] <Uli> This room is not for being buttbuddies with people
[00:19:54] <Loki> also dont listen to uli, i have a lot of butt buddies in here
[00:20:06] <Uli> He does.
[00:20:08] <Uli> Can confirm
[00:20:12] <Loki> I have a lot of anal amigos
[00:20:26] <Uli> They give him rectal massages.
[00:20:30] <Loki> I have many posterior partners
[00:20:31] <blerkherl> So many butt buddies
[00:20:50] <Keth> fanny friends
[00:20:55] * blerkherl does the secret butt shake
[00:21:09] <Selatos> 4 variants, i'm impressed
[00:21:10] <Loki> I have many keister kompanions
[00:21:15] <Loki> I'M STILL WORKING ON IT
[00:21:17] <Selatos> ...a stretch but i'll take it
[00:21:23] <Loki> i have many hiney hermanos
[00:21:25] <Keth> Bottom Brothers
[00:21:39] <Loki> caboose comrades
[00:21:39] <Somethingsomething> Prostate Pals?
[00:21:52] <Keth> Ass Associates
#347
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[11:03] <@Twelve> It's hard to parse incoming tactical information when someone is reading you literotica featuring your mother
#163
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<Guinar> Only you would bring a penis to a car fight, Squall.
#199
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[23:13:45] <Ten> well, I always say the macklemore the macklemerrier
#295
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[17:09:55] <Keth> So you're saying that there are currently no laws in elysia?
[17:10:24] <Loki|Arrow> well it's called elysia for a reason, of course there are no laws
[17:10:36] <Dagaro> But it has a King?
[17:10:43] <Loki|Arrow> i didn't vote for him
[17:11:01] <Dagaro> He was chosen by the Lady of the Maw
[17:11:27] <Rev[a]n> Some fancy tart throwing swords out a blackhole is no basis for a government
#96
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[13:17:21] <DA> hmm, sure, ill call a doctor if i have an erection lasting longer than four hours... to brag
#85
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[08:46:29:429] <SWC_Member380> dont trip on me im new finding clues ok think lady left clues for me followed cookie crum no im here if your here im here thinking hoo dont no th i now a lady in this leage ssskkk in time only can sa you been a showdow one my ass fill its a girl not in to men so if you like games im down still like it if you say ha whats up if friends no someing let her no if this sounds lioke some one you have herd about please
#94
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[21:37] <Squall_Chitose> I'm going to write a story about my Dong, Jenos.
[21:37] <Quetzalxochitl> you called your dong jenos?
[21:37] <%Jenos-Laptop> :P
[21:37] <Guinar> Short story, right?
[21:37] <%Jenos-Laptop> bastards
#240
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[23:28:44] <Selatos> yo ucan milk anything with nipples
[23:28:58] <Twelve> I've never tried milking anyone with my nipples
#341
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[16:11:55] <Kilian> Lee Lee, Keth is our local night walker
[16:12:30] <Keth> bleh!
[16:12:34] * Keth avoids garlic
[16:12:49] <Kilian> no I meant male prostitue
[16:13:49] <Keth> bleh!
[16:13:54] * Keth avoids the popo
#413
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[10:03:42] <Loki-cell> My phone informs me I'm driving right now.
[10:03:46] * Loki-cell sits motionless
[10:05:22] <Twelve> that's usually how it works when you're driving
[10:07:03] <Loki-cell> But I'm not moving at all! Except for how the planet is moving
[10:07:09] <Loki-cell> Like through space
[10:07:16] <Loki-cell> But relative to the planet I am motionless
[10:08:05] <Twelve> everyone looks like they're motionless when you zoom out far enough
#175
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[15:22:05] <Dac> oh I cant type but if you like that better then smootciekins we can run with it
[15:23:42] * Quits: Dac (Dac@swc-irc.5af.m34.j8fubj.IP) (Connection closed)
[15:23:54] <.Loki|starkphone> Dad I will definitely take the pet name loke over smoochiekins
#122
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<Arthur_J_Alonzo> Investing in socks. Is it worth it?
<Loki> yes, they keep your feet warm
<Loki> I almost never go without them
<Arthur_J_Alonzo> Oops ment stocks
<Loki> oh, no
<Loki> They dont even keep your feet warm
#229
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[13:46:14] <.Loki-> Don't be jealous of the golden nightmare
[13:46:19] <.Loki-> And my nocturnal assassin
[13:46:26] * .Loki- urinates aggressively
[13:46:28] <.Loki-> ..
[13:46:43] <.Loki-> My phone is automatically filling in "aggressively" after I urinate
[13:46:45] <.Loki-> Sweet
#10
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[19:02:00] <Keir|MST3K> Squall
[19:02:13] <Squall_Chitose> yes?
[19:02:26] <Keir|MST3K> If you get shot in Iraq, promise me you'll scream either "Fucking camping bitch!" or "omg, he rolled a natural 20!" ?
#458
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<Mikel> yeah my surface is literally as thin as my Galaxy S6
<Mikel> 2 pounds I think
<Jic> pounds are a measure of force, not thinness
<Rawth> He means how many hammer pounds it can survive
#1
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[04:30:00] <Ran> Any Dungeon Master's or D&D/RPG players lurking around?
[04:30:22] <@Ten> syn is a pro dungeon master
[04:30:35] <.Loki> different kind of dungeon
#126
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[18:12:50] <Gav> My cat smelt something
[18:14:02] <Cyan> your cat can't work a forge!
#73
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[03:44] <Bryce> so....tell me about your character?
[03:44] <tycho> im sexy
[03:45] <Bryce> ok...tell me things that my character would know by meeting you.
[03:45] <tycho> im sexy
#258
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[22:21:08] <Loki> Over the past few days I learned that I have a lot in common with Sel's cat
[22:21:13] <selatos> it's true
[22:21:18] <Ten> you both guard selatos, and what else?
[22:21:20] <TembreFell> thick black fur
[22:21:31] <Ten> unkept fingernails
[22:21:32] <TembreFell> long tail
[22:21:37] <selatos> whiskers
[22:21:37] <blackhole> if you pull their tails they scratch your face
[22:21:41] <TembreFell> mange
[22:21:41] <Ten> syn can't fall on his back
[22:21:42] <Loki> The only real difference is I'm not quite as housebroken
[22:21:53] <selatos> true, my cat never pissed on the floor
[22:22:03] <Loki> I only did it one time
#395
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< blackhole> iirc, simplified chinese appears too simplified, though... like empty boxes
#171
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[11:14:48] <Zhao> Good, Vey has approved tha tax changes
[11:14:51] <Zhao> We're on track!
[11:26:21] <Zhao> Trying to figure out how I want to notify people
[11:50:55] <Loki> I assume "surprise motherfuckers" is off the table?
[11:51:14] <Zhao> lol
#247
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[21:17:49] <TembreFell> my soda exploded, but with my quick reflexes I was able to contain it to my arms, shirt, pants, and the chair I was sitting on. Phew!
#24
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[13:29:59] <Kast_Derrnon> Like they say in the hood... you best protect ya turf, smurf.
[13:30:43] <Chin> somehow that doesn't sound really like a tough guy line
[13:31:06] <Kast_Derrnon> Well then, obviously you nothing of urban culture.
#30
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[15:43:05] <Laz|away> and by the way, what prompted this war in the first place?
[15:44:43] <Keir> Frezt's refusal to sign a treaty and grant Eidola one planet in Kathol space
[15:45:23] <Laz|away> and what did you need a planet in Kathol space for?
[15:45:57] <Keir> raising tauntauns
[15:46:57] <Laz|away> wouldn't one normally do that on Hoth.....in Churba?
[15:47:33] <Keir> We capture them in Hoth, and raise them in Kathol
[15:47:41] <Laz|away> and what happened to that story of a bridge between your territories?
[15:47:53] <Keir> lies concocted by our enemies to discredit us
[15:47:59] <Keir> we are simple tauntaun farmers
#91
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[14:16:05] <Panda_Prime> We only converse breifly and in short bursts! That's not knowing someone!
[14:16:36] <Ten> that's the internet equivalent of having shared a bed!
#285
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[10:31:15] <@Twelve> Medical procedures performed in ancient Africa before they were performed in Europe include vaccination, autopsy, limb traction and broken bone setting, bullet removal, brain surgery, skin grafting, filling of dental cavities, installation of false teeth, what is now known as Caesarean section, anesthesia and tissue cauterization (3).
[10:31:21] <@Twelve> bullet removal
[10:31:31] <@Twelve> ancient africa was advanced as fuck
[10:31:48] <@Twelve> they were shooting black people long before ferguson
#13
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[00:01:01] <Keir> I was hanging out with a bunch of tough black thugs, and I was trying to fit in and be one of them, but I was really nervous and when I tried to call them "mai homies", I think I said homos :(
[00:01:13] <Keir> I'm now in a bodycast
[00:01:44] <Keir> For those who couldn't tell, the above story was an obvious fabrication. It is a well-known fact Canada doesn't have black people.
#302
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<Loki> [10:46:49] <selatos> making new adult friends sounds great, i hate hanging out with all the children that get on irc :/ #lololol
<Loki> i feel offended
<Thirteen> finding children is the only reason I am on irc
#440
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<blackhole> damn it. i got drunk yesterday and i apparently got a job
#430
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[16:53:26] <selatos> this isn't like sex
[16:53:34] <selatos> the faster you finish the more you can do it
[16:53:48] <Loki> how is that not like sex
[16:54:18] <selatos> everyone is happier when sex is not the shortest possible
[16:54:27] <Loki> but you can still do it more the faster you finish!
[16:54:29] <Loki> its efficient
[16:54:32] <Loki> if your goal is as many sex as possible
[16:54:41] <Loki> the refractory period starts earlier, but it also ends earlier!
[16:54:52] <Loki> or as I like to call it, the global cooldown
[16:54:53] <selatos> but then your girl gets annoyed and leaves
[16:55:04] <selatos> so total time spent sexing is shorter
[16:55:05] <Loki> that just means you didnt secure the handcuffs well enough